A few months ago I wrote a post on why we, as breastfeeding advocates need to be mindful of the language that we use in order to create an environment for positive advocacy. I very much believe that our approach – including our language – directly relates in our ability to reach out to all women who are looking for information, help or an ear. As someone who is hoping to promote positive advocacy for breastfeeding while supporting all women and their choices I try to be very cautious of the language I use.
I have never and will never bash formula or formula users – it is my goal to provide accurate information about breastfeeding rights, normalcy and benefits. I will never pass judgment on any woman for choosing formula and while I believe breastfeeding is normal, beneficial for both mom and baby and ideal ,I will never speak or think negatively towards a woman or family for their choice {or medical need} to use formula. I will inform/support/empower when there is a supportive and willing relationship.
Like I said I have posted before about our language – as breastfeeding advocates – and now I would like to address the language that is used towards breastfeeding advocates that has become just as harmful.
“Breastfeeding/Lactation Nazi” is a term that I have heard used as a way to describe breastfeeding advocates. What I find so offensive about this language other then the obvious comparison – is that it lumps us all together in a very negative light. Same way women who use formula hate to be lumped together in a negative light. While I can understand where the term “comes from” {I had used it before in the past when I was formula feeding my first child} I think language is very powerful and if we are trying to get our point across – let’s use the right language.
If you are a reader of my blog, follow me on twitter or chat with me in real life – you will know my stance on breastfeeding advocates masquerading as advocates who are really formula haters. This is what makes my “job” harder as I try to be a true advocate for all women and why I hate that term . I do not like being lumped in with “advocates” who judge based on face value without taking into consideration the woman or family situation or the society booby traps we are all up against.
Now normally I try not to care what people think of me or my choices {try – still working on it} but if there is even a chance of someone thinking I am a “Breastfeeding Nazi” based solely on the fact that I consider myself a “breastfeeding advocate” that makes it near impossible to develop a positive relationship with a woman who could potentially really want the guidance, help or reassurance. I take that very personally. I have never {to my knowledge} been called this term, but let me be clear – those who judge, place pressure or blame on the woman are not breastfeeding advocates just as not all breastfeeding advocates are formula haters.
:: Words hold a lot of weight so be sure you are using the right ones ::
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
This is a great post. You wouldn't believe (or maybe you would) the amount of hate I got when I started to supplement. "WHAT?! Breast and formula feed? There is no point in breast feeding if you are going to formula feed too!" It really got me down, to the point I wanted to quit breast feeding. But I haven't, and I'm content on doing both and so is my son. I am pro feeding babies (as the saying goes) no matter how you do it.
I so agree with you. I breastfed all three of my boys- extended, and even tandem nursed my oldest two b/c my oldest wasn't ready to stop when I had his brother(they are less than 17 months apart).
But, I tried going to a Le Leche League meeting and they were crazy. Like you were killing your child if you ever gave formula. Even though I was breastfeeding mine, even I couldn't stand the judgement, so I never went back. I can't imagine how they would make formula moms feel.
Now,that was just the group I went to and all of them are different, but it was my experience.
Very well said!! I have breastfed both of my babies (still breastfeeding the youngest) but every woman needs to do what is going to work for them.
I will admit that I have used the term breastfeeding nazi. Yes, I am guilty of it but I will explain WHY I've used it and towards who (or is it whom!?)
I would NOT call you a breastfeeding nazi because you aren't one. You are simply an advocate of breastfeeding and a supporter of FEEDING in general. I respect that 100%.
Who did I refer to as a breastfeeding nazi? The woman for LLLCanada that told me I HAD to BF no matter what, even if my milk carried antibodies that would make my child ill. Her exact words to me were "Won't you feel more guilty by NOT breastfeeding her and finding out later that shes 3x more likely to get leukemia?" EXCUSE ME?! Yeah she said that!
Can you understand the difference in why someone is called a nazi? I realize that it is mean and disrespectful however the people that generally get called this are the ones who have disregard for anyone who does not see things from their perspective or insist that formula feeding is like shoving rat poison down my child's throat.
I believe there is a HUGE difference between breastfeeding advocate and a breastfeeding nazi. I do not like lumping people together.
Jenny
That is exactly my point though. Using the term "formula hater" would be a more accurate description – in less detrimental words to those who do advocate for breastfeeding.
Although you understand the 'difference' there are many young pregnant women or new moms who may not understand the difference.
I am all about respect – if you dont like to be told that feeding your child is like giving rat poison because it is disrespectful – you should try to not use disrespectful terms to the other side – it will just perpetuate the problem IMO.
((HUGS)) I am sorry you met with a Formula Hater when you went for Breastfeeding Support – we are not all bad apples though ♥
I really take offense at the "breastfeeding nazi" term. No matter how absolute a person is in her advocacy for breastfeeding it does not compare to what the Nazis did. I mean, really, has anyone been thrown in the gas chambers for not breastfeeding?
I think it is also highly offense to the communities targeted by the Nazis. It trivializes what they went through.
But I agree we breastfeeding advocates need to be very careful what we say. Formula moms are not bad moms. If we do what we can to encourage moms to breastfeed and help them meet their goals (whatever those goals may be) in anyway we can we are all the better for it. Putting moms down doesn't help anyone. It keeps our rates low and makes us have to fight harder.
Cathy
seriously! Some woman just always have something to say when they "know" their way is the right way. People just need to be respectful and shut up about their opinions. {Well i guess that was an opinion too so ill shut up now} haha
I think you made some very good points (and distinctions) Devan.
When my first son was born, the hospital lactation consultant was out of town and there was no one available to teach me how to nurse.
Breastfeeding may be natural for some women, but it wasn't at all for me. I tried relentlessly for almost a week on my own, then out of despair, I bought a pump and started feeding him my milk only in a bottle.
I called LLL to see if someone there could help me but the lady on the other end of the line curtly said, "it was too late, I had already created nipple confusion." Not a blip of compassion either.
If breast milk is the the goal, why was I being criticized for my method of delivery?
I will never understand why we as women are so cruel to each other sometimes. Whether its between nursing moms and formula feeding moms, working moms and stay at home moms, you name it; we draw a line in the sand and become enemies.
I wish we all could spend a moment walking in someone else's shoes before we become critical and judgmental of each other.
There is no "one size fits all" way of doing anything and how a mom chooses (or has it chosen for her) to feed her babies, has nothing to do with her love for them.
If members of LLL were truly passionate about breastfeeding, then I would think they would try a little harder to inspire women instead of shunning them.
Sorry to ramble, it's been almost 7 years and I can still hear that woman… had I been a weaker person, I would have given up altogether. Instead, I pumped and bottle fed breast milk for a year!
Beautiful post!!! So very true.
Thank you for this, and all your other great posts on the topic. I have tried to avoid using the term for the exact reasons Cathy said… but I am guilty of feeling the sentiment behind the name-calling (not that I am condoning it).
Like Jenny said, I DO make the distinction in my head. But I understand what you're saying – it may make some people less involved in the key issues of this "battle" lump all breastfeeding advocates together. I even worry about this when I use the term "lactivist", because it has started taking on a negative connotation in MY mind, so I hesitate to call someone like you a lactivist, even if you might define yourself as such. Does that make sense? It's because I see absolutely nothing alike about someone like you, who advocates breastfeeding in all the right ways for all the right reasons, and the "formula haters", as you call them. And I hate that I feel this way, because I bet that many lactivists are just like you, and it sucks that people are getting a bad taste in their mouths with that term, just because of a few (unfortunately very vocal) bad eggs.
The only thing I'd suggest is calling them something other than "formula haters". I think there are actually people who hate formula but can still respect the choice and need of some women to use that formula, even if they aren't fans of the substance itself, you know? I think a better term might be "breastfeeding fanatics" for the types formerly (and wrongly) labeled as "nazis". To me, it's like religious fanatics, either trying to "save" you (I actually saw someone on the Best for Babes facebook page post something to the effect of "love the formula feeder, hate the formula"- makes the parallel even more fitting) or thinking you are the devil for believing something other than the dogma they believe. That is an entirely different animal than promoting and protecting breastfeeding, and I wish those people could not define themselves as "breastfeeding advocates". I don't think they deserve to carry the same label as someone as wonderful as you.
For anyone to call a passionate advocate for any cause a Nazi is just foul.
Thanks FFF for commenting – I always love hearing your thoughts and view points!
For me when I am talking about "formula haters" I am referring to those who spend 90% of their time talking about why you should NOT use formula and only 10% of the time discussing breastfeeding. Really not doing anything in terms of discussing breastfeeding. While I believe discussing the 'risks' of formula is important – it certainly should not be 90% of the discussion – KWIM?
As many women have shared with me – their experience with "breastfeeding advocates" – I far too often hear how they came away feeling judged because of using formula or the feeling they did not try hard enough – that is not breastfeeding advocacy.
As far as "formula haters" who still support women – they would be categorized as an advocate in my eyes — because as you said you can hate the formula but love the woman and they are taking the time to get to know someone instead of judging on face value – to me that is where the real distinction comes in.
♥
Great post, I agree, words are a powerful thing, they should be used wisely and respectfully!!
I don't care what a breastfeeding advocate is done, it is NEVER excusable to call them a "nazi." I'm sure that the Jewish people exterminated by the MILLIONS would not consider even the most fervent of formula haters a "nazi." It's a disgusting use of that term and I challenge anyone to justify the use of it. No mater how much someone hates formula, they're not gassing mothers to death over it.
What I see here is not "Don't say Breastfeeding Nazi", I only see "Don't call ME that.. call those OTHER women that." Nobody except Nazis should be called Nazis… I don't care what they say or do.
I agree with TheFeministBreeder, we must watch our words with FF moms, but not with some BFing advocates, I know you didn't mean to be hypocritical, but you were.
TheFeministBreeder & "Anonymous"
Thank you for your comments. Let me try to clarify for you a bit:
This post is not directed specifically at the term "Nazi" & in the post i addressed the OBVIOUS distaste in the comment:
("What I find so offensive about this language other then the obvious comparison – is that it lumps us all together in a very negative light.")
What i am addressing is the context behind it is something you need to be careful of. Yes NO ONE deserves to be called a Nazi for their views on breastfeeding (certainly NOT a good comparison) but the context behind that word (a better term would be 'bully'?) — there are 'advocates' out there who are 'breastfeeding bullys'. I have seen it, i have read it and i have been on the other end of that bully.
What this post is really referring to is not all ADVOCATES are "BULLIES". Some of us do care to hear the whole story and will not just shove the 'BREAST IS BEST & YOUR LAZY FOR USING FORMULA' message – because there are some people out there who push that message ( and i am not talking about anyone specifically).
But Yes – NO ONE deserves to be called a "Nazi".
Thanks for clearing that up, however, I am sure that you also have been called a BF bully simply for being pro BFing, I see it happen all the time, just because you haven't heard it, it doesn't mean it hasn't been said.
I see BFing advocates unfairly bullied and called bullies all the time.
Articles like this create a divide. How about asking for some understanding for BOTH sides.
Anonymous:
No one has called me a BF bully to my face or online to my knowledge. I am a BREASTFEEDING advocate & formula feeder supporter. I do not spread the message that BREASTFEEDING IS BEST. I spread the message that it is normal, natural, important but I do not use guilt to spread that. I support people through their difficulties and questions and celebrate ANY successes.
I would encourage you to read more of my breastfeeding posts to get a better understanding of who I am
I think you missed my point, lol, I am all the same things you say you are, but I have still been called a bfing bully simply for being an advocate, that was my point.
AND, I agree with everything you said, except I found it all a little one sided, as no one ever tells FF moms to ''watch'' their language and not call ''Bully'' when it is not true.
Anonymous:
That is what this article is doing… it is directed to the FF moms who call EVERY breastfeeding advocate a bully — cause we aren't all bullies … but there are some who are out there. If you are an advocate who does not bash formula feeding moms yet you've been called a bully – this is addressing that woman who called you a bully simply because you support breastfeeding.
We are on the same page here. ♥
I see that after a few posts, haha, I DO like the article however, I just find that it has been hunting season on BFing moms lately, and it makes me sad
yes it has & coming across a piece like this with no background knowledge of my blog or who i am can set that tone. that is why it can be important to find out who is writing it
I would like to say that this comment:
"Formula moms are not bad moms. If we do what we can to encourage moms to breastfeed and help them meet their goals (whatever those goals may be) in anyway we can we are all the better for it."
… Really made me angry and pretty much sums up why "breastfeeding advocates" or whatever you choose to call yourselves, bother me. It's sanctimonious and presumptuous and the fact that you specifically have to state that "formula moms aren't bad moms" really makes me sick to my stomach. Have you had to convince yourself of that?
If you really want to help, get off the internet and get training to serve underprivileged women at places like WIC, where someone can actually benefit from information about breastfeeding. Because simply spouting off about how you feel about what other women do with their breasts from behind a monitor isn't going to change any minds. It's just going to make you look close-minded and hateful.
And as for a later comment about hunting season on breastfeeding moms? Please. I was a young mother who DECIDED not to breastfeed because I was on a relatively new drug for epilepsy. I was torn to pieces by women who thought they new better than I did what was best for my child. Just like every. other. mother. who has the nerve to admit that she doesn't breastfeed.
It all boils down to the fact that most people do know the benefits of breastfeeding, it's something that is taught in books, on websites catering to pregnant and new moms, and in classes (such as WIC). You aren't saviors, no one needs you to ride in on your high horses to save the day. Why don't you commit some time to something that, I don't know, actually helps those in need (not just the people you assume are in need).