There has been so much coverage in the “twitterverse” and “blogosphere” about the recent breastfeeding studies (Pediatrics & Breastfeeding in Toronto) that have just been published and along with them comes the ‘discussions’. Before I began using twitter I had no idea of the true divide there was between women when it comes to their choice in feeding their infants.
There has been a large campaign to change the way we talk about breastfeeding. Changing the language from “Breast is Best” to “Breast is Normal” so that we can spread positive information about breastfeeding and to support women. There was an AMAZING post written by Megan at Sorta Crunchy where she speaks so eloquently the best way for supporting a movement of change. Advocating for change and to make breastfeeding ‘normal’ does not have to include negatively discussing women and families who choose formula for their infant – what ever their reason. Megan said everything I was trying to say in my last breastfeeding post, putting into words what I couldn’t. I especially love the way she emphasizes to watch the language you use. {stepping on the soapbox}
A phrase I often hear “pro-breastfeeders” use when it comes to talking about women & families who have chosen to use formula is that they had/have a “lack of knowledge” and that is why they are not breastfeeding. While I think there is misinformation all over the place about breastfeeding – what is normal/what is enough/time lines and so on – information regarding the benefits to breastfeeding for the baby’s health – short term and long term, health benefits to the mother, the benefits to the pocketbook, society, the environment etc… is not hidden information.
If you talk to women who are/have chosen formula for their infant – I am sure they can tell you that they know the benefits to breastfeeding, why it is considered the number 1 choice. In Canada – especially near where I live – it is a pro-breastfeeding area and while I understand that this is not the case everywhere – that is exactly why general statements like “lack of knowledge” is a counter-productive, negative statement. I think what it all really boils down to is not a “lack of knowledge” but a “lack of confidence“. I know it may seem like I’m just playing with words here and there is no difference, maybe I’m being overly sensitive, but hear me out.
My oldest child was formula fed from 6 weeks on. I knew all the benefits to breastfeeding and had full intention of breastfeeding exclusively for 6 months, continue for at least 1 year – the whole nine yards. I knew the information. What I did lack was confidence in my body that it knew what it was doing – confidence in my baby that he knew what he was doing. I was not falling under the spell that formula was just as good as breast milk.
I delivered my son in a very pro-breastfeeding hospital. The staff knew what they were talking about, a policy that no baby was fed formula unless the parent supplied it and signed a waver, baby room-in – I could not have asked for a better set up for success. However, it was not successful. Physically I could breastfeed, but I had no confidence. No confidence that my body knew what it as doing – that it would make enough milk for this baby, that my nipples would be able to heal from the latching issues we had, that I would no longer be deprived of sleep. I had no confidence that my baby knew that he really did want to be latched all day and all night long.
Top Mommy Blogs – Vote for us @ TopMommyBlogs.Com!
Share This Post: Tweet
There are currently
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
yeeea, so obviously I'm nowhere close to choosing breastfeeding or formula…but I would appreciate if the pro-breastfeeders would remember that formula isn't going to kill a baby. why, you ask? cause I would be dead without formula. Sometimes the baby's health is more important than society's opinion.
Good points made in your article! I'm all for changing our language around this, but I don't see a ton of anti-breastfeeding language in my parts. Heck, most states even let women whip out their breast to feed whenever they want
Thank you for following me. Looking forward to following your blog as well.
It seems like a hard line. I think most importantly we should learn not to judge other parents and to respect their decisions. I agree that Breastfeeding is the way to go, for me, this was an easy choice. I do understand though, that many people for reasons of their own can not, their child will not, etc. I do not think Breastfeeding mothers nor Formula Feeding mothers should be judged. I am a little surprised these days with how fast hospitals will push formula and how many mothers do not have adequate support for trying to breastfeed.
stopping by from SITS. it is so refreshing to hear (read about) someone talk about the breastfeeding issue without attacking one side or the other. it's clear that you are pro-breastfeeding, but i'm not feeling bashed by reading your post. all three of my children were formula fed. my first was really because of a lack of knowledge (and a minor mental breakdown). all i knew is that i'd seen women breastfeeding with what looked like no troubles. all of the doctors and nurses impressed upon me just how important it was. i was made to feel like if i didn't do this, i was a horrible mother. but NO ONE prepared me for the troubles, the pain, the issues. no. one. i wasn't told that it could take days and days for milk to come in. i wasn't told that it would feel like a flippin' tiger was attached to my boob (i would actually cringe and cry and want nothing more than to NOT feed her when i knew she was getting hungry). and when i had been up for three days with a screaming baby who was starving….and i was looking at her crying my eyes out and losing my mind while absolutely nothing was happening milk-wise, no one told me that it would be okay if i fed my baby any way i knew how to. i felt like a total failure. when my second was born, i was too afraid to try again. with my third, i breastfed her for about 3 weeks, but stopped because of life situations. lack of knowlege? yeah….a little bit. lack of confidence? you betcha. thank you so much for this post and sorry for taking up so much of your comment space!
You are brilliant. That is all.
I thoroughly enjoyed this post. This just reminds me of the working moms vs. stay at home moms issue.
I do not understand why we as women cannot accept that everyone has a different opinion and ways of life. Isn't being a mom hard enough without constant criticism either way.
I was convinced I was going to breastfeed my first for at least a year…but my body did not cooperate…after 4 days of intense screaming (the baby not me) and 5 trips to the lactation consultant and pediatrician we had to give him formula…he was starving. I pumped for 9 months and supplemented with formula.
With #2 I pumped for 7 months, but when I attended by first mommy and me class, half of the class would not talk to me, because they assumed it was formula in my bottle. I had numerous comments about how easy breastfeeding was. And, of course, if it was easy for you, you have no idea that many woman have a hard time or choose formula for many other reasons.
Where I currently live formula is totally frowned upon…you have to ask for it at the hospital and then are offer help and other services first. I finally found a pediatrician who will use the F-word.
OK,,,sorry…I could go on and on. You did a really great job on this post.
When we first found out I was pregnant, before going online or reading any books, one of the things my husband and I talked about was breastfeeding. We decided we'd like to do it but we'd also like to pump and bottle-feed breastmilk. And if it didn't work out for some reason, we'd use formula. Honestly, we were thinking of convenience more than health. We were comfortable with our decision and it seemed like it would be the best thing for all three of us.
After doing some reading, both online and in books, I'd say that it's now too much information that has me anxious about our decision to give breastmilk a try. The problem I have with the pro-breastfeeding camp is that it's not about the health of the baby, it seems to be about some uber-feminist, anti-male agenda. It's not enough that I want to give my baby breastmilk. I have to breastfeed in public until the child is two years old or else I'm just as "bad" as a mother who doesn't breastfeed at all. I know this is a radical view, but some radicals have ruined it for those of us who prefer to be moderate. I've actually read more than once, about anti-bottle feeding even with pumped breast milk, that the man can do plenty of other things and doesn't need to be involved in feeding. Well, that's not going to work for our family.
I want to try beastfeeding. I'm uncomfortable with the idea of doing it in public or with an older child. My husband wants to be involved, so we should at least try with the bottle. But, we are flexible and will work to figure out what's best for us once the baby is here. We were both raised on formula and we're both smart, healthy adults. There's plenty of evidence to show that our kid will also be smart and healthy for genetic and/or environmental reasons rather than simply breastmilk/formula reasons.
We should be pro-happy babies rather than pro-breastfeeding or anti-formula.
Oh! HEAR HEAR!!!! Thunderous applause from me, mama. Absolutely! Yes, yes, yes!!!
I've been so moved by the response to my open letter (which, by the way, thank you for your kind words – I'm so honored), that I am putting together some ideas about how we, as mothers, can come together and talk about some of this in a safe and healthy way. No Mommy Wars language allowed.
Anyway, this whole lack of knowledge thing is an aspect that slipped by me as I wrote that original letter, and I am SO glad you drew it out. SUCH an important part of the conversation.
Just . . . lots of clapping and hearty head-nodding agreement from over here. Thank you.
Yes, judging is bad. Mothers need to be able to make their choices without fear of how others will react to them.
But is "lack of knowledge" real? It certainly is. Perhaps, though, it's more a preponderance of misinformation than it is a lack of information. And that certainly isn't the mother's fault. When you've got authors and "experts" out there telling mothers to put their babies on strict feeding schedules with no mention if how that can affect their supply, I'd say you've got a serious lack of information, even for mothers who are doing their best to be informed.
Add to that a lack of knowledge passed from mother to daughter (this weekend my own mother asked me, "Is it normal for babies to want to nurse when they're upset or scared?" She just didn't know!), and I think using the phrase "lack of knowledge" can be appropriate and non-judgmental.
I'll try to keep it short because the breast versus bottle debate makes me crazy. I believe in knowledge but I don't believe anyone should be made to feel guilty for their decisions. I have two neices who are sisters, both very educated one is so pro breastfeeding, she pumps for her 3 year old twins and nurses the baby, her sister an attorney wants nothing to do with breastfeedin it just grosses her out. No, they are both "educated". I get offended by the term "baby friendly" hospital. What hospitals that pass out formula are "baby unfriendly"
Great post, and perhaps that's why I was so successful (you know my story, I shared it with your readers) I was confident it would work.
I have a question, what made you change your mind and breastfeed your other two kiddos?
Lindsey
It wasn't a "change of mind" situation. I had full intentions of bfing baby 1 longer. He was bf for 6 wks and i am proud of that. I had some attachment issues with him {not proud to say} but it was a combination of the miscarriage struggles, difficulties with breastfeeding, postpartum anxiety and some family troubles. I made the choice to switch to formula – it was the right decision for my situation at the time. I then struggled with hard core mommy guilt because i really was committed to making it work.
With Baby #2 I was able to breastfeed for 4 months. At that time I stopped early because of some medical reasons for myself. I again felt guilty for stopping early but knew it was the best decision again for us.
When Baby #3 came along I had a LOT more confidence in myself – it was NOT easy for us – not even almost. I have successfully bf'd her for 15 months {and still going} despite her being hospitalized early, 2 surgeries for myself during the summer, i had to rent a hospital grade pump for 2 months, but we did it.
Thanks for the question
yes, yes, yes….exactly how I feel