Yesterday, I shared the news that after 14 months of trying to conceive and 6 cycles on Clomid, a pregnancy has finally happened for us. Baby has a strong heartbeat and so far, things are progressing well. With my history, it is hard for me to get connected with a pregnancy early on, but this one was a little different because I was almost convinced it would never happen.
In fact, just a few days before that test turned positive, my husband and I agreed that after that cycle we would take a few months off from actively trying to conceive. We weren’t going to stop or prevent, but it we were going to let go of the planning, scheduling and daily routines it had come down too. I was also going to go off the fertility treatments — that last cycle of 150mg was brutal and I needed a little reboot and recharge before I thought about doing it again.
And then, with an honest surprise… the test was positive — 18 days past the suspected ovulation date, when I had already given up on that cycle. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops then, but for many reasons, I decided to keep quite on the situation until I was ready to share.
It sounds weird since I have been so open here and on Babble with my struggles with getting pregnant, my past history of miscarriage and been very open about how we should be able to share the news as early as we’d like to — without fear of the many “what if’s” in early pregnancy. I know that I will have the support of all of you if one of those “what if’s” happened, which isn’t terribly unlikely with my history, but I wanted to wait a bit for another reason.
My kids are older now and they have been dealing with their own version of baby fever for a while now. They are all at the age where, if I were to tell them that we finally had a baby on the way, they would understand what that meant.
And with my history of miscarriage — I really didn’t want to explain that to my children who — in time will know my history, but I didn’t want to have to help them grieve it if something went wrong. So, we waited. I knew that I was on my medication early on and was doing all I could to make sure this pregnancy stayed healthy. It’s not that I didn’t want to share it with all of you, but I wanted my kids to know before the world and I wasn’t ready to tell them until I knew we had a real, fighting chance.
I have been to my doctor for my first prenatal appointment, was given medication (finally) for the non-stop nausea and vomiting and requisitions for blood work and an ultrasound. The first ultrasound is so nerve-wracking for me. It sounds terrible, but it’s truthful when I say I almost expect that ultrasound to go wrong. It has so many times in the past and I feel like I literally hold my breath until the appointment when the technician says, “and there’s the heart beat.”
Last week we got to hear that and see the amazing little flicker on the screen.
We told our kids the next day and their reaction was better than I could have imagined. They asked a lot of questions, shared that they can’t wait to meet the baby and constantly ask to touch the baby and talk to him.
As we did with Bean’s pregnancy, we won’t be finding out the gender before birth and while I have a mother’s intuition to which gender I am gestating, for now the growing baby is known in our family as Pingou.
:: When did you feel comfortable sharing the news with people outside your immediate circle and family? ::Share This Post: Tweet