Last night I was sitting in my room sick with the flu and started watching Grey’s Anatomy with my husband. I love this show and tonight was the season premiere and I was excited to watch.
What I forgot of course was the way last season ended. I hate that I have to brace myself for these things to avoid this – but last night I was unexpectedly punched in the stomach. Blind-sided by seeing a woman lying in a hospital bed with her legs up in stirrups on tv about to get a D&C.
I lost it.
I cried.
My husband held me without me having to say a word.
He knew.
I hate that I know I am going to have nightmares again tonight. I get them often and tonight I know they will come.
Painful.
Real.
Nightmares.
I hate that something as silly as a television show triggers them.
I have not healed from these 10 miscarriages. I don’t know if I ever will fully. I am tired of the pain but I know I have to feel it.
I just wish it wasn’t so hard.
 |
I love hearing from you! Leave a comment below ♥ Accustomed Chaos | Gluten Free Attachment Parenting™ Email: accustomedchaos@gmail.com |
Find Me:
There are currently
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
*hugs*
Hugs sweet friend.
Oh man that hit me in my gut too!
We're here to help you along your journey to healing.
**BIG HUGS**
Hugs!!!
I myself have never miscarried, but my heart really aches for women who have experienced this loss. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be. I hope that through the support of your loved ones and time, you are able to find ways to heal. Hugs.
Yeah, that was hard to watch. I have had two miscarriages 8 weeks and 15 weeks. I had to have a D&E with one of them. I am glad they put me to sleep for it.
I can't imagine the pain you carry…what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, that's what they say anyways, but I guess in reality it makes us more human with tougher skin. HUGS to you. BTW…I'm celiac as well and will be checking back often for all things GF.
Have a Fantastic Weekend! And next time fast forward.
I am so very sorry that I can't somehow take the pain away and make the triggering stop. I wish I could sweep away the nightmares, and ease your sadness. All I can do is tell you that I (kind of) understand, and offer e-hugs.
Big Hugs.