When I was little I always KNEW I wanted to have kids. Many of them. However I was not prepared for some of the ‘weird’ things I would end up saying…
*****
10. The Duh?: “no you can not put that up your nose”
9. The Tired: “No, honestly. Can you die from tired?
8. The Reassurance: “yes, I love you more then french fries”
7. The Ew: “dude! stop wiping your snot all over my couch”
6. The What?: “i would rather not drink a cup of your saliva, thanks”
5. The Discoveries: “yep, that is a half eaten, rotting banana behind the tv…”
4. The Pain: “I think she just bit my nipple off”
3. The Break: “I had a dream last night that it was total silence. it was bliss”
2. The Busy: “I havent showered yet. Wait, it’s been three days”
&
1. The Mess!: “oh my gawd. there is sh*t everywhere”
::What phrase or sentence came out of your mouth that you never imagined you would say?::
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: mommylebron
August 2, 2011 at 9:35 am
Bwahahahaha! Love you list!
I am constantly saying “Don’t die” never thought I’d have to remind my kids daily of that one!
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 2, 2011 at 9:49 am
hahaha! Oh that is another good one – thanks for sharing!
Twitter: daddyrunsalot
August 2, 2011 at 12:48 pm
We do not wear our sister’s shoe on our penis.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 2, 2011 at 1:18 pm
Bahahahahaha!
hahahahaha
Twitter: HStayingAfloat!
August 2, 2011 at 2:18 pm
LOVE your list!
Lately I’ve said this alot “we do NOT pee behind the bushes in the backyard when there are 4 perfectly good bathrooms inside the house”
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 2, 2011 at 4:50 pm
That is another good one – one i have not yet had to say … yet.
“Please don’t pee on your face” said to my three year old son. And yes, he’s done it. Twice.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 2, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Bahahahahahaha
My 2 year old did that too lol. he was in the bath tub and he decided it would the greatest idea in the world to look into the tip of his penis as he started peeing and what do you know, he peed all in his face. We were at my mother’s and upstairs (everyone was downstairs) and I just busted out laughing. I ran downstairs, but couldn’t explain for 5 minutes why on earth I was laughing so hard… because every time I tried, I would laugh even harder lol… it was so funny… I don’t think he’ll ever try THAT one again! lol
This is a great list. Here are a few of mine:
“Yes, I love you more than sandwiches.”
“Please take your hand out of your pants.” <–This one is repeated several times a day.
"No, my penis did not fall off. I'm a girl and girls don't have penises."
"Chocolate or poop?" <–No, I did not taste test it. Ew!
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 2, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Those. are . hilarious. {for me. probably not for you in the moment}
I think my favorite so far is when he wanted to clarify that I loved him more than sandwiches. He was about 3 at the time (almost 5 now) and it was a long conversation about how much I love him. It was sweet.
Twitter: TeniBear10
August 2, 2011 at 4:21 pm
(Possible TMI)
“Oh, sweetheart, please stop crying so Mummy can finish her poo!”
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 2, 2011 at 4:51 pm
that made me spit my water out – SO FUNNY!!
“Hands don’t go in pants”
“Yes honey, I know you love visiting the bathroom. I promise we’ll go visit it if you let Mommy finish (insert whatever it is I’m doing.” (No, he’s not potty training…he just has an obsession with bathrooms and has to visit each and every bathroom he comes in contact with, multiple times if allowed.)
“BABY BROTHERS ARE NOT FOR RIDING!”
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 3, 2011 at 12:09 am
the last one – kills me . so funny!
Being the Momma to a special needs child brings more absurdity to your direct conversations. Strangers look at me like I just won the Worst Mom of the Year Award when I tell my Daughter to add lots of salt and/or butter to her food and explain it’s very healthy for her. That aside, here are 2 of my most odd statements, used regularly;
1. “Sweetheart, Mommy can do a lot of things but moving the sun so it’s not in your eyes isn’t one of them.”
2. “Yes, I will check your poop in a minute.” (Cystic Fibrosis Mommas say that one a LOT!)
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 3, 2011 at 12:10 am
i LOVE the “move the sun”. It’s cute because your daughter must see you as being able to do anything. so sweet.
& i wish ppl wouldnt be so quick to judge too -
Twitter: Naynadub
August 2, 2011 at 8:45 pm
I feel like I have several phrases all the time but definitely “please, get your hand out of your pants” followed by “no, it’s not appropriate.” I have that on repeat around here.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 3, 2011 at 12:11 am
ah – i have had to say those ones too – always fun especially when in public ..hehe
Love this! Here’s mine from today: “Stop complaining and just fix your penis!”
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 3, 2011 at 12:11 am
bahahaha!
Twitter: mapleleafmommy
August 2, 2011 at 9:26 pm
A few nights ago I actually answers my husband’s question of “Why are you still up?” with “It’s quiet and no one is pulling my hair.”
Thank you for the laugh! Though I have to say, cup of spit? I gagged a bit on that one.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 3, 2011 at 12:12 am
i hear you on that – quiet – i stay up for it too.
& yes .. the spit in a cup… Babe E {2.5yrs old} has taken to spitting in a tiny tea set cup and handing it to me to “play tea”… no thanks!
Twitter: mytimeasmom
August 3, 2011 at 3:11 am
Awesome list. There are so many things I say to my kids that really should never be said like “No we do not put mozzarella cheese in our armpits” or “do not dip your pizza in the dog’s water bowl”. Great times.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 7, 2011 at 3:59 pm
mozzarella in your armpits?? hahahaha
Twitter: adothemomalog
August 3, 2011 at 8:18 am
What I like is that even though you were tired your brain was still working when you said “Can you die from tired?”
My fave: when referring to the half-eaten banana behind the TV, you were blase – and unfluttered, meaning that banana probably stayed there a while longer! Me too!!!
Loved this list.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 7, 2011 at 4:00 pm
oh yea – totally not surprised there was a half rotting banana back there – happy it wasnt something else — there is a lot that could end up being way more gross
I love the french fry remark. LOL
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 7, 2011 at 4:01 pm
my kid was TOTALLY serious when asking too.
Twitter: corbinsheart
August 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm
“No! We do not eat trash from off the ground” (I have a 17 month old)
“Will you PLEASE stop lifting my shirt up!?”
These are great!
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Ruth
I have had to use the shirt one too – kids are so interesting
“Please quit fake farting on your cousin!” <—- cousin is only 8 months old… poor baby.
"Stop trying to put your penis on my leg!" 2 year old will take off diaper and run around trying to put his penis on whatever lets him… ^_^
Oh, and today, we were at the store and we were in line and he was trying to shove his boogers in my mouth and I had to shout in front of everyone,
"Dude, I do NOT want to eat your boogers! Stop trying to shove them in my mouth!"