My kids were not ‘good’ sleepers so my husband and i were well versed in the effects of sleep deprivation. Friends suggested we ‘sleep train’, some family members suggested it, and we even had a random doctor suggest it. Here are our top ten reasons we never took that advice and did not sleep train our kids (CIO, Ferber, Modified CIO etc):
*****
10. Babies can feel stress – and crying to sleep for any period is stressful. Stress for kids under 2 is shown to actually change brain development
9. Babies are not “coddled” if you respond to their needs
8. Babies grow – achieve milestones – & often sleep training needs to be ‘redone’ after teething, growth spurts etc.
7. Babies don’t learn to walk in a few months, or eat independently within a few months – sleeping independently is no different
6. Babies don’t have a ‘hidden agenda’ for crying when left alone in a room. They are not trying to manipulate to ‘get their way’
5. Babies often need comfort to sleep – it’s been their routine since conception to be with someone.
4. Babies do not need to self sooth through crying to be “independent” – they achieve this by self-esteem fostered by a strong, trusted bond
3. Babies are not able to calm themselves down when under stress & they wont learn that skill by crying it out.
2. Babies don’t cry just for the sake of it – they are communicating their needs and why they are being ignored is not understood by the baby
&
1. Babies do better with consistent routine & it works far better in the long run for both sleep and healthy development
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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: mytimeasmom
July 26, 2011 at 4:13 am
I have always had my babies sleep with me. I don’t really care what others think about it because it is what worked for me and my kids. I think we should just do what works for us.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 26, 2011 at 4:18 am
we bed-shared with my youngest for 2 years & that is when i finally got the best sleep
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
July 26, 2011 at 4:25 am
I agree with you 100%. I co-slept with my son for 18 months and we slowly transitioned him to his own bed, and it took less than a week, no crying.
I hate the CIO method, but whoever wants to do it, it’s their life. But I wish they wouldn’t preach it to others.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 26, 2011 at 11:53 am
I was shocked when Big P was first born how many people were suggesting we let him cry to sleep when he was barely 4 months old even. my brain can not see how that would be ok.
Twitter: BlondeDuckie
July 26, 2011 at 7:30 am
I didn’t know kids could be sleep trained!
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 26, 2011 at 11:54 am
apparently they can – if you let them cry…
I totally agree with you. Very good points! I’ve always felt bad for babies whose parents make them cry it out.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 26, 2011 at 11:54 am
I just can’t wrap my head around why it is such a popular suggestion to new parents…
Twitter: HStayingAfloat!
July 26, 2011 at 1:29 pm
I personally don’t have the stomach for the CIO method. I tried it once I believe for like 3 seconds with my first son, and I couldn’t stand it.
Now I will say with my third boy Buggy, I will rock him to sleep for a nap and sometimes he wakes up right as I put him down in the crib. He will whimper a little if he sees me walk out of the room, and then pass out. That I can tolerate. But any more than that and he is right back into my arms. He’s 13 months old
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 26, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Buggy is lucky to have you & he sounds too adorably sweet
Twitter: HStayingAfloat!
July 26, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Awww…thank you! And he is sweet as sweet can be. Such a love! <3
i think that any ‘black and white’ suggestions and/or recommendations to parents is flawed…only because there is no such thing as “this will work for EVERYONE”.
probably what works for you and your child is the best advice i would share with other parents.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 26, 2011 at 5:08 pm
i was just so surprised with how many people would say to me that i HAD to ‘sleep train’ because they were not sleeping yet (& they were young!). & i am happy we stuck to what we believe in.
Twitter: bewilderedbug
July 27, 2011 at 9:40 am
I don’t have children but I have never liked the idea of “sleep training”. It just sounds like cruel & unusual punishment – and to me, a fear of abandonment and so many other psychiatric problems could be a result of doing this.
Thank you for this list – I didn’t know some of these points….very interesting.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 27, 2011 at 6:40 pm
i honestly dont think it is ‘cruel & unusual’ only because i know that parents do what they feel is best & with all the advice & pressure i was given when i was struggling with kids who would not sleep – it can sound like the ‘right’ thing to do. (& sleep deprivation desperation can make one try anything}
however, i do really strongly hope parents who do choose to sleep train do so by researching a lot into ‘normal’ sleep patterns and gentle ways to help your babe sleep first.
We used a consistant daily routine to get our twins to sleep in thier cribs. But now our little twin is having a hard time, sometimes he will sleep in our arms or our room but not always and will rarely now sleep in his crib since we started bringing him into our room when he cried. We are at wits end and will be seperating our twins because the one loves to sleep in his crib and the other one keeps waking him up. is it normal that a well fed, clean bummed, cuddled and loved 8 month old is barely sleeping 6-8 hours in a full 24hr period?Off to see the pediatrician on Friday to see what we can do. Like most of you on here I didn’t believe in the CIO method and still believe that babies cry for a reason but I have checked every box and still don’t have the answer to help my little guy sleep better.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 27, 2011 at 6:37 pm
HUGS NR! I know how difficult it is – i truly do! P was the same way – would not sleep more then 3hrs at a time at night and would only ‘sleep’ for 1 hour during the day — until he was 2.5 years old & R was then up.
He also didn’t care to cuddle at night so i couldn’t just sleep with him in our bed. I believe in his case he was hungry. He seemed to {and still does} need to eat every two hours or he gets very grumpy, tired, and ‘difficult’ to deal with.
I personally dont think that babies should be expect to sleep for more then 4-5hr stretches at night at a time. Some definitely do but i dont think that all babies have to or they are not ‘right’. I think separating your boys could be a good thing to try – G might be a light sleeper ? {we also had to put a lullaby CD on for P all night because he would hear every.single. noise}
– you are an awesome mom! ♥ & I hope Lil G starts to feel better.
My oldest still ends up in our bed some nights…but my younger one only wants his bed! I actually like when my 5 yr old comes in bed with me, love to cuddle him
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 28, 2011 at 6:18 pm
All of my kids will end up in my bed from time to time too. i would say almost once a week i have one or three in there with me
Twitter: mommastuffblog
July 31, 2011 at 5:40 pm
I like this post because you make some great points, but I want to point out that ‘sleep-training’ means different things to different people. I did sleep-training with the boy at 5 months and will do the same with the baby. That being said I did NOT let him cry it out or leave him screaming for hours or even minutes on end.
I used the baby whisperer pick up/put down (pupd) method for my basis and basically established a strong sleepytime routine and would put him in his bed and encourage him to sleep with shh’s and pats. Then I would leave the room; if he started screaming I went in immediately, picked him up until he stopped crying then put him back down with some shh’s and pats to encourage sleep.
Personally I feel that in sleep training the boy I WAS meeting the needs of my son, but also giving him the skills to sleep without rocking/cuddles/snuggles/songs.
Thanks for a thought provoking post. amber
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 31, 2011 at 9:37 pm
Thanks for making the distinction Amber (i tried to narrow down what type of sleep training i was specifically talking about in the intro paragraph)
Thanks for sharing your perspective amber!!
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