I am a self-defined & peer acknowledged perfectionist. It can be paralyzing at times & my Mommy coined me as having ‘perfection paralysis’. It’s something I’ve had for ever – as long as i can remember. There has been no defining moment that i am aware of that set me on this path & my parents certainly did not drill perfection into me – not even almost.
It’s just something ive got.
For the most part it’s something i can deal with. It can cause anxiety, procrastination and a lot of self doubt – but i eventually ‘get there’ and get whatever it is done and to the best of my ability.
& sometimes my ability is awesome.
Motherhood for me has been a whole new beast as far as the ‘perfectionism’ goes. I NEVER expect ‘perfection‘ from anyone else. Only that they do/try their best with what they have at the time. Nothing more then they can give.
For some reason I hold myself (& i know this in my head) to an unrealistic standard. Especially noticeable when it comes to certain aspects of parenting /motherhood /raising children. Things that when I think about it realistically really are/were ‘out of my control’ or I didnt know better at the time & yet i let the guilt eat at me.
Every ‘setback’
Every ‘issue’
Every ‘struggle’
is my fault… but it’s not…
It is not always in the front of my mind – stopping me from functioning or anything but it pops up at times – the nagging in the back of your brain wishing you could have just done that much more or knew this much more – how that would change whatever those tiny struggles are.
Is this something that you struggle with too? Any tips or ways you cope with the random creep-up-of-guilt?
:: How do you find that confidence that your awesome truly is awesome enough? ::
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: laurainthesky
May 17, 2011 at 5:55 pm
I honestly think a lot of Mothers go through this, particularily when it comes to their children. After all, your kids are the most important thing to you- of course it’s natural / normal to feel anxious, to worry, and to take the blame for small setbacks. Drink some tea, relax, and try not to stress out too much. If you know this is something you struggle with, then at least you are aware of it and can work through it. You sound like an awesome, Mom! Ps. I love your blog!
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
May 17, 2011 at 6:38 pm
Thank you Laura & you are right – it is such an important ‘job’ that is for sure why it can be overwhelming. Things can have ‘life long consequences’… Thank you so much for listening & offering your advice/support. PS thank you so much!
Twitter: becklawson
May 18, 2011 at 1:51 am
You took the words right out of my mouth! I am a control freak with/perfectionist mom with anxiety issues, and I only have one to parent so far….my coping tactic is to pour my heart out to my mom. She is always there to listen….it always seems like she has always had it together but she is quick to reassure me that she thought she made so many mistakes. It makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone and that all I can do is my best. I hope my daughter and I have our kind of relationship!
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
May 18, 2011 at 12:52 pm
I love that! i have a great relationship with my mom & she is an amazing sounding board for me as well. I try to tell myself that if i am anything like my mom I will be amazing – she really is the best
I have this feeling sometimes, but I think for me it’ll hit really hard when my kid(s) start school. Because I’m the first teacher, and will strive for perfection (in myself) and want it to shine through in my kid(s).
LCW recently posted..An Ode to Love Bugs
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
May 18, 2011 at 12:53 pm
I think that has been the most difficult part in all of this for me – it really did ramp up when Big P started school.
I know that I have very unrealistic standards for myself as a mom. And with having 6 month old twins things can get very challenging to say the least. My mom raised me that “you never have a second chance to make a first impression” which is what I think started me on this road. Even now I shower and do my hair and make up everyday even if I am not going out. I have my children on a strict schedule but I made progress this week and when baby G decided he didn’t want to sleep after his 7pm feed I finally decided, why am I fighting this, it is only making us both miserable. So now he sits in his chair quietly and plays with one of his toys while mommy and daddy eat dinner and enjoy some time together instead of battling a cranky baby that doesn’t want to be in his crib. I also now have a cleaner that helps mme with my need for clean!
Twitter: crunchymamato2
May 20, 2011 at 12:45 am
Oh wow, you are just like me! I wish I had some good advice for you. My perfectionism is almost debilitating. I feel the same, that every thing is my fault, even things that are out of my control and I couldn’t possibly change. I’m working through it though (with the help of my awesome therapist!).
I think it’s great you are able to identify that you are this way and not expect the same perfection from your children. That is one thing I am thankful for in my situation.
Kristen @ Adventures in Mommyhood recently posted..Finding My Me Time
Twitter: acctodenise
August 24, 2011 at 8:01 am
Wow, I could have written this exactly. I expect so much more of myself than others and I am constantly beating myself up for knowing foreseeing something or another. And I don’t know how I got this way. It has just always been. It is a huge struggle. If you ever find a way to ease the guilt that goes along with it, I would love to hear.
Denise recently posted..Have they been replaced by robots?
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
August 24, 2011 at 9:46 am
Thanks Denise – it makes it easier knowing i am not the only one struggling with this. If i find the magic answer I will share – you do the same too, ok?