Social media sites like Facebook and Twitter (& even texting & IMíng) are relatively new to our lives. Everyone is all over every aspect of social media & ‘quick contact’ and it is deeply engraved into our lives. It would be near impossible to ‘go back’ & I am very certain this way of interaction is here to stay.
I LOVE social media. I have made a career using social media, I have been able to heal using social media, I have built some very cherished friendships ( my 1 & 2 ♥’s) through social media. & i will never doubt it’s positive power in our lives – but I can’t help but wonder what it is doing to “friendship” as it is traditionally known.
Friendship to me means time, respect & affection and a reasonable balance of ‘work’ keeping the relationship alive. Phone calls, dates in or out (or a skype/phone date if there is some geographical distance) and a real interest in each other’s lives (both professionally and socially).
With the entrance of social media (& Facebook being a big one) has that time & interest in each other lives been replaced with a more ‘general & less impacted’ definition of friendship?
Does friendship now mean “liking” your Facebook status, RTing your tweet, a quick text message or private message through Facebook/Twitter? No more phone calls & ‘meaningful’ conversations outside of someone just needing something from you (ie asking you a business question, looking for a favor or information)? No invitations to birthday parties, social events, & general ‘check in’ gatherings?
When i look at my true friendships as i define them – they are a mixture of the two. There are some amazing people who i consider friends who i have never met in real life – we keep the friendship alive through skype video, text messages, emails to say we’re thinking of each other and phone calls. There are friends of mine who live close by & keep the friendship alive through dates, casual drop by’s, invitations (& actual attendance) to birthday parties & social gatherings.
The defining factor of friendship to me in both theses situations is the balance of genuine care, interest, time and requests for your “friend benefits”.
Not talking about ‘friends with benefits‘ but the unwritten ‘perks‘ that come with each friendship & how that relates to business: - access to business favors, professional connections, picking your brain about your specific talents/knowledge & anything that you would normally charge a professional fee for.
Is everyone who has access to my Facebook/Twitter profile a friend? Is everyone on that list then repeatedly entitled to the “friend benefits“ that we all have – simply because they casually interact with you on a social media level and asked for it? What about those relationships you used to consider a friendship but there has been no time invested & it’s now fallen to more of an acquaintance level?
How far/often are you expected to help someone on a business level who might fit more into the ‘acquaintance’ category based on your ‘outside of quick social media’ relationship (or lack there of). Is the easy & quick access to contacting someone blurring the lines of professionalism & etiquette when it comes to running your own business?
Is social media is blurring the lines between “Friends” and “Acquaintances” ?
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
It is blurring them or perhaps making a grey area in that part of our lives. I know that there are people on my FB, not just because my husband and I share one but because I also chose to add acquintances that I don’t really know well but it is through FB that some of those acquaintences such as yourself have now become some of my closest friends. Lets face it, for SAHM’s like ourselves, making friends or maintaining them is close to impossible these days. I am thankful for social media, it has brought me so much closer to those that live 1,2,3,4 provinces away and even to my sister inlaw who lives in the Ukraine. Love you Devan! xoxo
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
March 9, 2011 at 10:31 am
I am so very thankful for social media & i know the way it can help maintain a friendship & grow people closer together (like u & u know how much i love you!!). We for sure fit my definition of ‘friends’ in my eyes because we spend time talking about our lives – both of us – not one sided. & you never just talk to me to “pick my brain” on a business level – we’re invested in the personal side of our lives. does that make sense? are those that only develop this relationship on a “one sided” or “business questions only” relationship then open to the perks as a defined ‘friend’ would be?
Twitter: crunchymamato2
March 9, 2011 at 10:49 am
Great post! I do think that social media has changed the definition of friendship for some. It’s easy to say “Oh I just talked with them,” but really it was just a Facebook comment not a genuine interaction. Not that Facebook interactions can’t be genuine, but they are different. It’s not the same as going out and getting coffee and chatting.
For me, I have a personal Facebook. I use Twitter more for acquaintances. I love the people I’ve found through Twitter and have found a lot of support for PPD, food allergies, etc but I utilize it differently than Facebook or traditional friendships.
I think social media is a great tool to add to friendships. I think it’s important to see it just like that — a way to add to traditional friendships, not to replace them.
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Twitter: AccustomedChaos
March 9, 2011 at 12:24 pm
I think social media can be used to build & often maintain a friendship as well BUT the realization that building & maintaining a relationship purely using social media take a lot more work the clicking “LIKE”.
Thanks for your view!
yes. no. i think maybe we need a new word. friend is not quite right, yet acquaintance isnt right either, IMHO. i consider friends the people with whom i connect. the other type of people are “friends” but in a different sort of way but yet acquaintance seems too impersonal, cuz i wouldnt friend them if i wasnt interested in them on some level, right?
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
March 9, 2011 at 12:27 pm
absolutely agree. my question really comes into play when it comes to the ‘perks’ of friendship. As a professional consultant and a business owner – it can be confusing to me at times because of the blurred lines. xxo Thanks for your help Pam ♥
I guess I didn’t really answer your question…
To me a friend is one who checks in on you once in a while, someone who sends you a note or calls to say, “I was just thinking of you”. A friend is someone who would give you the shirt off their back not because they expect anything in return but because they know you would do the same for them. A friend is someone that you don’t have to speak to every day or even every month but when you do speak or see one another it is like not a day has gone by. A friend is someone who realises that life can be hectic and that if you don’t get a chance to call or write back right away it isn’t because you don’t care…life can just be like that sometimes. Friendship knows no distance or colour or race or religion, it is what it is and whatever it is that brings 2 people together, is a pretty special thing.
An Acquaintance is someone you can pass on the street and think to yourself…I went to highschool with that guy, I should probably say “hi” and then you won’t think of them again until you pass them on the street the next time.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
March 9, 2011 at 12:22 pm
LOVE it NR! & it is balanced between the two individuals – like its not just one person checking in to see how YOU are doing while the other person only ‘checks in’ when they want something.
Thank you for your insight!
Twitter: glutenfreedeals
March 9, 2011 at 12:42 pm
So many great things about social media, but sometimes it seems like a facilitator of spreading ourselves too thin. Definitely important to be aware of the results of our use of social media. Can lead to negative results, but also can lead to positive results. Its all about how we utilize it.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
March 9, 2011 at 1:32 pm
absolutely!! thanks Brady
Hi Devan,
I understand what you mean. I value my social media friends, but also need that 1-1 interaction. I’m just finishing my mat leave and feel saddened that out of my so called friends only 1 actually came to my home or e hospital to see me and the new baby! I got lots of Facebook messages etc, but I don’t think you can beat the real thing if it’s practical.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
March 9, 2011 at 1:33 pm
YES – are friends now being ‘lazy’ about the WORK it takes to be a friend simply because it is easier and quicker to write a FB note then to call (& yes, if it is practical)? I had the same thing happen to me with my friends & it was a real eye opener to me.
Thank you for the shout out. I truly feel honored to be called your friend. I read this post 3 times, and keep going back to re-read parts and ultimately construct an answer to your question.
Is social media blurring the lines of friendship?? And deep down I feel like a friendship is made up of many things, and physical geography isn’t one of them. Some of my (former) dearest childhood friends “forgot” the work that goes into a friendship and we do not have the same level of intimacy we once had. We do not invite each other to weddings, birthdays, family gatherings. On the other hand there are friends who literally saved me from rocking in a corner when I was alone with a newborn for 3 months. And I only met them two months before giving birth. I have met friends through facebook and twitter and the respect we have for each other and the intimate details we share with each other is more than my own family at times. So , no, I don’t think social media blurs the line. I think to have a friend, you need to be a friend. Whether that means attending birthday parties for their babies OR simply sending a tweet that implies a hug. Because for me friendship is more than just being present physically.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
March 9, 2011 at 1:31 pm
YES – 100% agree with your definitions of friendship. I feel like with the quick social media contact – people are forgetting the WORK that goes into friendship – yet still want the access to the ‘perks’ & since it’s easy to contact (via quick social media).
thank you friend for your insight! xxo
I agree with you. I love that I can interact with so many people online but I really love the face to face friendships….nothing beats that. Its a great way to stay in touch with people and meet others that you would never had the chance to otherwise. I think people come in your life for many different reasons…and its all about getting back what you put into it.
PS…thanks for the sweet shout out! Even though you are miles and miles away, I am thankful I met you
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
March 10, 2011 at 9:21 am
I love that – “it’s all about getting back what you put into it” ! so true ♥
Yes, I think it definitely is. I’m appreciative too and grateful for social media but I wouldnt trade my in person friendships, meetups, and phone calls, ever.
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Twitter: AccustomedChaos
March 10, 2011 at 9:22 am
I just wonder if people have gotten “lazy” now that it is easier to send a FB message then actually call?
Thanks Khara for your insight!!
Twitter: Karen_C_Wilson
March 9, 2011 at 9:50 pm
I remember in the 1990s when chatrooms were all the rage. I was thinking just last week about those times and, honestly, twitter is like one gigantic chat room. Sure, it’s got some unique features that chatrooms didn’t have, but there are many similarities, especially when you factor in the relationships. Back in my chatroom days, I felt that online relationships often mirrored IRL relationships in the way that you got a sense of a person’s character and authenticity through regular interactions. One big difference – at least for me – is that back in the chatroom days, NONE of my IRL friends were involved. Now, I have made friends through twitter and I believe I would stay friends if twitter didn’t exist tomorrow.
I do think it has changed how friendships are carried out, but I have so many more friends now and spend more time with people than I did before getting involved in social media. I think the other brilliant thing about social media is that it allows responses on your unique time frame. For me, I find that’s helpful in nurturing my relationships. I’m not good with phone calls.
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Twitter: AccustomedChaos
March 10, 2011 at 9:22 am
Thanks Karen for your perspective! ♥
This is a great post! I need to share this! If you see what its doing to the older folks, imagine what its doing to our children. So many teens are desensitized to “real” physical friendships and situations because of this. I am still guilty of daily social networking though. Its a catch 22 for sure.
Thanks again, I would like to share this on my social networks now! =P
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Twitter: AccustomedChaos
March 10, 2011 at 1:07 pm
I love social media – i am really confused how it comes into play when it comes to business and friendship and asking for favors. You make an interesting point – how little physical contact will there be in the future?
thanks so much for sharing the post xxo
i’m one of those hyperconnected individuals and i have never felt like social media has ruined my real-life relationships. more than anything, it has enhanced them. i can’t make time to call everyone i care about every day, but i can “like” a status and then laugh about it with them a week or month later when we do actually catch up. i am grateful for a quick medium to be involved in the details of my friends’ lives!
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