I am a mom.
and a worrywart.
I used to worry a lot more then I did – when i was a ‘newer’ mom – unexperienced;
no confidence.
I worried about how much they ate; what they ate; how much they slept; that they were not ‘sleeping through the night’; this and that & this and that.
Exhausting.
As my kids multiplied & my confidence grew in strides I began to realize a few things.
My gut instinct knows what it is doing. I know what i am doing.
And ..
So do my kids.
One ‘battle’ that was constant in the Accustomed Chaos household was always around food. It was a struggle I had daily with P & R. Over every meal. Every day.
Caused nothing but stress. for all of us.
& food – eating should not be a cause of stress.
What did i realize?
This is a battle I will NEVER win with them.
I don’t want to ‘win’ the battle.
I want them to learn & TRUST their body. It will tell them when they’re hungry.
They will not starve themselves.
My daughter R.E.F.U.S.E.D. to eat anything with gluten (before diagnosis) & now i know why.
I offer dinner & as long as i know it is not something they hate (P will refuse creamy dairy) & if they choose not to eat it – that is it.
My daughter – who lost 5 lbs in 4 months due to celiac disease – when she went back on a gluten free diet – all she wanted was peanut butter. I listened to what she was telling me her body wanted. She gained weight back – healthy.
Food is a battle I will never win with my kids. It is something they can control & something they want to control. They should control.
It is important for me to teach them to listen to their body. I will not force them to eat. I will not force them to ‘finish their plate’. I will not make them something else.
But i will not worry.
Disclaimer: it is lame that i need a disclaimer, but i do. this post is based on my experience & my kids. trust your gut when it comes to your kids 
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I completely agree with you. I admit I have had my worrisome moments and freaked out over a nursing or food strike but, I have learned that I cannot force her to eat or drink. I will not be a short order cook but Ry will be offered plenty of meals and snacks throughout the day. If she doesn’t eat that’s ok with me, I know she’ll eat when she is hungry. And on days when I feel like all she does is “snack” I know she’ll make up for it in a day or two.
Food was a constant battle with my parents and me. I refuse to have her stress about food like me and my parents did. It’s not a battle I’m fighting either.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
February 4, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Yes i am very adamant about not offering a different option (as long as i know what i am making is not something they would refuse) because i dont want them to think they can just “order” whatever — but if they dont want to eat – i wont win that one.
Twitter: jamesandjax
February 4, 2011 at 9:48 am
Thanks for such a great reminder about something I know but still struggle with often. My son is a picky eater–all he really wants right now is meat and freeze-dried strawberries. Weird, right? And some nights, he refused to eat dinner at all. Which drove me NUTS. But now I’m trying to just go with the flow and if he skips dinner, I’ll leave some snacks or cut up nuggets on the table and he’ll grab them when he wants them. I still sometimes get upset when we have a whole day where he eats very little, but I’m trying to keep the big picture in mind–which is what you wrote, that they’re not going to starve themselves, and that it is important to teach kids to listen to/trust their bodies. Really important!
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
February 4, 2011 at 6:06 pm
Yes it is always the weird combinations that make me think “hmm – why those specifically??” . Some days my kids just arent hungry for a sit down meal & that is ok with me too.
Great advice!
I grew up with the “finish your plate or you don’t leave the table” discipline. Now that I’m a parent, I almost understand where my parents were coming from with this concept. We didn’t have a lot growing up, sometimes none at all, and my parents worked hard to provide what little we got to eat, so not eating wasn’t an option, but that’s neither here nor there. Basically, it didn’t help me, it hindered me and I’m trying hard to remember that when my son pushes away his peas or won’t drink ANY water. Forcing him will only turn him away more, I have to let him tell me why he doesn’t want those things and work with him to come to a compromise so that both he and I are happy.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
February 4, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Thank you Nikki. I can totally understand the frustrations of wasting food. TOTALLY Get that . i home cook everything & gluten free / fresh veggies is not the cheapest food. I just now offer them less on the plate if i am more sure they are going to eat it — because they can always get more.
& yes forcing a child to do something that they really do control is not typically going to end well … if it is a “battle” & not a health concern.
This actually seems like an excellent approach. We’ve been battling meal time around here with my almost 4yr old. I try to make things that he likes, but he often refuses dinner, then 10 minutes later asks for a snack, then another one, and another one, etc… Obviously he’s hungry, but I’d really like him to eat dinner, at least some of it. As far as snacks, I just try to keep them healthy, but I often wonder what I’m doing wrong here or what I should be doing. Do you have any suggestions about the whole refusing dinner then wanting to snack all night issue ??
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Twitter: AccustomedChaos
February 4, 2011 at 6:11 pm
You know my son used to do that same thing. Some days it seems my kids dont want to just eat 3 meals. — they want to eat all day – like every 2 hours. My son has a very high metabolism & when i was struggling with him not sleeping because he was always hungry at night i tried EVERYTHING. He was near 3 yrs old when i realized that he did better when i offered snacks every 2 hours. 8 am, 10am, 12 lunch. 3pm snack, 5pm snack, 7pm dinner — then bed. (we do a different schedule now that he is in school).
My son did not like to sit down at a table because he was always busy with toys or books. once i allowed 1 toy at the table (a small car) he would focus on dinner and eat.
gosh i could write a whole post on food issues with my kids … well, another one
Thank you for this. I was begining to think I lived on an island with this approach. Our children are young, not stupid. They will not starve themselves.
Rebekah C recently posted..Please Watch Your Language- A Plea for Compassion
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
February 4, 2011 at 6:13 pm
♥ i think it seems to me ‘mama-nature’ to worry about our kids. food and sleep are issues that are deep rooted in our society as being issues that we should be able to ‘handle’. We can forget our kids are people too sometimes. Glad this approach works for you too
My 8 yr old will eat anything, she hasn’t figured out the difference between hungry and emotional eating, so we do have to watch her. She’s already overweight. But my four year old will go on a bender where she won’t eat unless it’s cereal all week. I have to agree with you that it is a battle that we can’t win, and I always have to remind myself that she won’t starve. But it’s hard!
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
February 5, 2011 at 10:10 pm
it is hard! totally!! as moms we worry & want the best for our kids. “fighting” them on this will never win though. i understand the struggle – hugs Mama!
I wish I had been able to pick your brain about 6 months ago! My 1st was/is such a great eater that I never thought about it. I mean, she ate shrimp cocktail at a year. But my 2nd and 3rd had horrible reflux and well, seem to loathe food. Cue me in panic all.the.time. We’ve finally settled into a rhythm like you just talked about, but I had to talk to the doc numerous times b/c I was so freaked out about their eating. John survives on yogurt, fruit and peanut butter. Sarah on fruit and peanut butter. I insist on yogurt when I can. I sneak in cheese and veggies. We just keep food on hand at all times. I thought I was alone in this — that I was doing something so totally backwards. I mean, we didn’t grow up this way. None of my friends grew up this way. I’m so relieved to know I am not alone in this parenting/food choice!
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Twitter: AccustomedChaos
February 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm
yes – it caused panic to me all the time too! one thing i am realizing too is that there are SO MANY parents who are dealing with food struggles with their kids. I do believe it is a control and body instinct that is there for a reason.. If it was something ‘we’ were doing ‘wrong’ i dont think this struggle would be as common as it is.
i thought i was doing something totally backwards too — but to me it felt right & i am all for listing to that instinct — even if it seems weird. xxoo
Twitter: beckyjwebb
February 5, 2011 at 10:04 pm
It’s so hard though…I don’t force them to finish either but all my son wants to eat is bread and cheese all the time. I worry that he’s not getting enough vegetables. He will eat fruit most of the time and that’s about it. I hate worrying about it. It’s so frustrating.
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
February 5, 2011 at 10:14 pm
oh it is SO HARD – really is!! a big struggle. i really do believe that these ‘food cravings’ really are phases. perhaps your son needs calcium and grains? in a few months he will likely move on to something else that is all he wants to eat. I do believe they will grow out of this but i hear you — it is SO FRUSTRATING. you are doing a great job though!!
Twitter: mommastuffblog
February 8, 2011 at 2:13 pm
What a great post Devan – I love this, its such an important reminder. It’s such a struggle sometimes when the boy doesn’t want to eat, because he’s normally such a GOOD eater. I try not to make him something different at dinnertime as I know he is big enough to eat the same foods as us, and I know he won’t starve…but sometimes I cave. I don’t make him a new meal, but last night I gave him an avocado (which he devoured) and sometimes I’ll give him a piece of toast…but never before he’s sat and picked at/tried his dinner, usually for at least 10 minutes. amber
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Twitter: AccustomedChaos
February 8, 2011 at 9:28 pm
i think as long as you are listening to your instincts you can’t do wrong. if you child is normally a ‘good eater’ then one or two nights just isnt feeling it — then it probably is going to go back to regular eating habits quickly.
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