Accustomed Chaos » Uncategorized » Friendships, Motherhood and Life
Friendships, Motherhood and Life
July 19, 2010
I was having a conversation with my sister yesterday on our way back from a little shopping excursion and it is still playing in my mind. An interesting topic that we both seemed to struggle with and a question neither had the answer to. Since I have the worlds greatest blogging buddies I thought I would throw the question to you.
How do you make new friends as an adult?
When I was younger it was easy to make friends. I was in school full time, I had a job and that is where the majority of my friends were from. We had a lot in common because we were studying the same thing in school and were in the same classes and were then “forced” to hang out with each other every day.
I noticed things changed a lot for me when I graduated from college and got married that summer. I had some of my best college {and a few high school} friends at my wedding and in my wedding. It was wonderful to share that experience with them. They held my hand as I grieved my first 3 miscarriages and then suddenly a lot changed when I had Big P. I noticed a few of my friends stopped calling and we weren’t seeing each other nearly at all. I get it – we were no longer in the same life situation – we had little in common. It still hurt.
I have some great friends in my life who I sadly don’t get to see nearly enough. They are mothers too and we all know how difficult it can be to find time for ourselves, let alone time for friends who live 40 minutes away. It really is not practical to get together once a week for girl time. Most of the time I am only able to connect with them through an email once in a while. It is the result of our busy lives and a bit of traveling distance {and of course my inability to drive, which makes it even harder.}
I see on television shows and movies wonderful groups of friends {like Sex and the City or Friends} and find myself wondering how many women actually have that in their life. Are you still friends with women who you have known forever, who are in different life situations and still find time to meet up at least once a month? I find myself craving that and the more I think about it the more I realize that.
Like I was saying – my sister and I were talking about how you meet new friends as an adult? Since there is no school curriculum “forcing” people with a similar interest together and in my case, no job outside the house, how do you make new friends?
::Where do you find that common ground that brings you together and you build a true friendship upon?::
Share This Post:
Be Sure To Stay Connected!
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
This is a great question…I now a lot of women struggle with this mainly because it is so hard to get out. I had a group of girlfriends {there were 6 of us} in highschool. When I had my first son, they disappeared {expect for one}. I hardly talk to them now mostly because they dont have children and we are in different stages of our lives.
I did reconnect with a few friends {who I hadn't seen in 10 yrs} via facebook. We all have boys the same age and I am so happy to have them in my life. As our boys grow though it is getting harder to hang out but we try at least every other week.
I find that I am friends with people that are in the same stage of life as I am in. My hubby and I were just talking about this the other day…how our friends will change when our boys get older. We will probably meet people through their school or on their sports team.
I am with you though it is hard to find real friends…life is busy but we still need our girlfriends in our lives
Good question! My best friends are friends I've had since childhood. I also have "work friends" but they are really more like acquaintances. I have developed some friendships with the wives of my husbands coworkers, we don't call each other every day or anything like that. It's just different when you become a grown up and that's ok!
the best way i have found mom friends is through my church.
I have met amazing lifelong friends. But if you dont have a church, then i really recommend a play group. Try meetup.com or a gymboree class in your town. 
But as well, facebook is really good at helping people reconnect 
Believe it or not, some of my best friend are the one's I have met through my kids school! I have become very good friends with a couple of my daughters friends. Volunteering at the school has introduced me to a wonderful group of girls all in the same stage of life as me!
This is so hard. I've joined different moms' groups, activities at church, through other people. But, it's harder as an adult.
This is a hard one, especially since we all have families! I find it hard to have time to get together, as nights are soo busy with bedtime, etc.! Most of my friends are friends from school (Middle School and College!)…Meeting new friends, maybe some from playgroups. I guess it is hard these days, but to meet friends I would say activities, join them. Playgroups, sports, going to the park, meet up groups, etc. I agree though, this is TOUGH!
I've met a few people through volunteering at the kids' school. Been through the whole Meetup thing, church, sports, etc. The ones that stayed after these things are still in my life but have moved or live far. So we all stay in touch through Facebook and it gives me a great quick vacation getaway! I pretty much have ONE friend now that I talk to everyday and do things with but I too am wondering when I will make "more" friends? Ever look at your parents and think how many friends they have or had as you were growing up? I don't remember them having that many either. SO I guess I can't answer until I find out…. =P
Hey, I've got something for you, just because.
http://therealpoopsie.blogspot.com/2010/07/versatile-beautiful-sugar-doll-of.html
I think it's hard to make friends as an adult because people are so judgmental. And I am sure I am guilty of that too. I have become friends with a few of the moms at MyGym. I've become friends with a couple girls from my local board on The Nest who had babies around the same time as me. Surprisingly, I have become close to a few people after connecting on Facebook
But as for good friends? Best friends? I have one. I can't help but be envious of the groups of girls who have been friends since high school.
It is so difficult. We move around frequently, so establishing relationships are hard enough. I have mostly met people who have become friends through people that knew someone in a state I was moving to, or through playgroups (though that doesn't always go well everywhere!). It really is hard.. and can be incredibly frustrating and lonely.
My situation seems to be a little different than most, yet the same. Most of my girlfriends are from when I was attending acting classes in my late 20s. Three to four years of emptying your soul to the same group of people makes for tight bonds. I have stayed good friends with a few of them even though we live in different cities and states.
That being said, I am having a hard time finding friends where I live now. I work from home. My son is just starting daycare/preschool, so I haven't really gotten to know any of the parents there, yet. I found one person in our neighborhood, but neither of us have the time to get together. It's easier to stay friends with the people that only take a phone call.
Tia
It is really hard to find new friends as an adult. I've found a few good moms groups through meetup.com. My AP moms group is the best & I am so thankful I found it.
I think you have to keep in mind that a "best friend" like you had when you were little who you told EVERYTHING to probably is going to be hard to find. Friendships tend to be different as we get older, but different isn't necessarily bad.
I think about this all the time. I don't have kids but I'm married and my old friends aren't. & I want friends but I don't have time for them …it's soo complicated. That's one of the reasons I love twitter and blogging I have friends but it sucks not being able to hang out.
This is such a struggle for me as well! I have a wonderful group of internet friends that I chat with daily (and have for a few years now!). We have a lot in common and I condider them some of my closest friends, but they are scattered across the country and I still crave that face-to-face interaction.
Recently, I got fed up with feeling so isolated so I found a mommy/playgroup of women in my area around my age via meetup.com. It was hard putting myself out there, but I've met some really great women that I actually have a lot in common with. I've found that mommyhood really gives you an instant connection and there's always related things to talk about which eventually turns in to finding out that you have other shared interests.
Twitter: PfEvjLeZOEE
January 2, 2013 at 1:06 pm
Thanks so much for the sweet words (even honey-sweetened! our bees always make us look good–LOL)! We dnfieitely have a mutual admiration club going on, Melanie.
And, special thanks for so graciously donating a copy of your terrific book! I sent you an email with the winner’s info. She and her family are very excited!xo,Shirley
This is a very relevant topic. I have been aching for friends in the last year. People are just so busy being busy that they don't have time for real people face to face friendships.