When my daughter Bailey was born her oxygen was low, as well as her blood sugar, they said from the stress of labor. She was shown to me quickly and then rushed off to the NICU with my husband. She spent the night in the NICU, while I recovered and she returned to acceptable levels. While in the NICU, later we found out that they gave her 3 bottles of formula, without asking either my husband or I. Now, they said they were necessary, okay, fine I was in no shape to fight this one at that time. The next day at around lunch time they brought my daughter to me for the first time. Up until now, I had only been wheeled into the NICU to see her. My husband and I were so very excited that she was out of the NICU. The lactation nurse followed immediately as I had talked with her briefly after delivery, telling her that I wanted to breastfeed. So finally, they put Bailey on my chest and she latched on quite well, but then pulled off when milk did not come right away. Then the uncontrollable newborn screaming and hyperventilating started. I did not know what to do at all. I remember the lactation nurse telling me this is one of the only things that you will not teach your daughter, and that she will not teach me, we will just have to learn from each other. After several unsuccessful attempts, I was frustrated and sad. I was determined to breastfeed, but it felt like everything was against me.
We then called back the lactation nurse, whom was nice, and helpful to let her know what was happening. She then told us that because Bailey had already received several bottles in the NICU that she was looking for “instant gratification” and milk to come right away. Great, I had a lazy baby on my hands. No, but really she did not want to work at this breastfeeding thing. The lactation nurse then brought me some formula, to which I said, No, I am not doing that. Little did I know she had brought it to dribble on my nipple to get Bailey latched on, and to keep her sucking until she got some from me. So my awesome husband was then instructed to stand over my shoulder at each feeding to dribble milk as Bailey latched on. Well this worked the first couple times and then Bailey learned that my husband had her friend the milk bottle and she started to turn her head away from me and to my husband opening her mouth in the process. She wanted nothing to do with me…and she was going to scream about it as well. We kept doing this, every time she searched for the bottle and every time we fought with her to latch on. In this process she was quickly losing weight, and my 8 pound 11 ounce newborn was under the 10% drop, and I was getting lectures to feed her more, give her a bottle, and to try harder. My husband stood by my side each and every time telling me that I could do it, and a time or two when I felt like giving in he reminded me that this is what I wanted for her and to keep trying.
Very slowly with each feeding she began to stay latched longer and we gave her less formula to get her latched and stay latched. This is never the picture of our first feedings that I ever imagined, but if I had learned something it is that everything changes and you have to figure out just how to work with the changes. I was determined to breastfeed. For me, breastfeeding was something I wanted to do, and something I dreamed of. I was not against formula by any means, just for me, this is what I choose to do, and if I could get breastfeeding to work, I was going to. I remember clearly the time that Bailey latched on, without my husband over my shoulder, without the bottle of formula, just her and I. I had tears rolling down my eyes; it was the day before we were scheduled to leave the hospital. This was that moment, the one that I had dreamed about, the one I thought about, how I pictured breastfeeding to be. When I looked down at her, and heard her gulping, I thought, and so this begins a journey that will change each and every day.
For the past 7 months, breastfeeding has become the beauty and joy that I had once pictured. It is my favorite time of the day with Bailey right now. I have been blessed to have little to no complications, not to say we have not had our challenges, but overall all the obstacles are outweighed by beauty. I do not know how long our breastfeeding journey will last, right now my thoughts are I will let Bailey decide that. I am lucky to have been able to get through the first days of struggling and to find a place that works for both her and I. I will never regret the decision I have made, it is one that I will never forget.
Do you have a breastfeeding/formula feeding story you would like to share on Accustomed Chaos? Send me an email at accustomedchaos[at]gmail[dot]com
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
That's a very beautiful story. I'm all for you doing what you need to do in order to feed your child the way that you want to. Sometimes it just takes a little extra work.
I had originally tried to breastfeed while I was in the hospital. I had some health problems that could have been passed onto my daughter but the condition would leave in a few weeks/months. Breastfeeding her would sort of pass the medication through to her in order to not give her symptoms. It didn't work.
Nothing was coming out of my left breast and thats the ONLY one she wanted to latch on to. I'll never forget Demi not sleeping the ENTIRE first night in the hospital. She was wailing from hunger and all the nurses at the hospital would tell me is "try harder, it takes some time, keep trying". After an entire DAY and NIGHT of her screaming I just demanded a bottle. I wanted formula and I wanted it right then and there. (Mind you, breastfeeding wasn't my dream. I never really wanted to do it so failing at it never bothered me). I'll never forget the look of relief on Demi's face when she took her first real gulp of food.
I'm happy that it worked out for you and that you and Bailey are now successfully breastfeeding! Your husband and nurses at the hospital were uber supportive. My hospital tried to force me to do something that just wasn't working for us and I filed a complaint.
I love to read BF success stories! Our LO spent pretty much her entire time in the hospital in the NICU. She was given formula the entire time, but it was not without our permission. I suppose you could say it was due to an omission of asking for permission. We had a hard time with latching and she was about 3 or 4 weeks old before I felt confident that I was making enough milk to stop supplementing with formula. I wrote about making it to my goal of 6 months a while back. We're still going strong at almost 10 months
http://mungeeandme.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-did-it.html
I love this story and Cindy you are an inspiration!! I am always looking for boobytraps–hidden barriers that keep tripping moms up. Here I am wondering if the lactation nurse had give the mom a supplemental nursing sytem (SNS) to use the baby would have been less distracted by the dad dribbling milk from a bottle, might have speeded things up. Also wonder if the staff knew (most don't) that even c-section babies can be put skin-to-skin immediately after birth and allowed to latch on while surgery is being finished, moms boobs warm up to warm baby and colostrum is high in sugar, if they had done that first the tests may not have shown any distress. It may be that it was completely necessary for the baby to go to the NICU and be fed formula but it is hard to tell. Also I wish more hospitals carried a stash of pasteurized, screened donor milk for when supplementation is necessary!
Cindy you and your partner did a great job and congratulations on your perseverance and your bundle of joy.
Thank you for sharing your story with us Cindy. I can't even imagine all the emotions you must have been feeling, scared for Bailey, angry at the nurses for not asking you permission first before giving Bailey formula, disappointed that you weren't able to have your daughter by you. Kudos to your husband as well for being so supportive. Way to get through it all and stick to your plan.
I breast fed both my kids as well. I was able to wean my daughter off breastmilk at about 14 months but am having troubles weaning my son off now. He's 18 months and still wanting the breast. Breastfeed is a wonderful experience and great bonding time but sometimes I wonder how old is too old for the breast? SIGH.
My baby girl is 5 months old and we have been succesfully breastfeeding. The first two weeks were very VERY hard
Quiting would
for us and I got an infection in my
left breast and all the ducks were clogged…very sore and painful. But we fought through it and im so happy we did
be easier buy luckily we both stuck with it. I think moms always know best and you have to do what works for you.