I have been struggling lately with the topic of privacy when it comes to my kids & my decision to write about my life and connecting with people all around the world. I started Accustomed Chaos to give myself a voice. Somewhere to write my thoughts and sift through the chaos of 3 kids 3 years old & under.
I want so much for this site – big goals. I love connecting with my readers, getting input and gaining friends. I love being able to share what works for us, what doesn’t and hear the same from everyone else.
I also want to protect my kids privacy. They didn’t choose for me to write publically about their life & they are too young to make the decision on their own about how much they are okay with me sharing.
I don’t want to embarrass my kids. I don’t want them to read back when they are older and be angry with me for sharing something they wish i hadn’t. Everything on the internet lives forever.
So far I have not publically shared my kids names on the internet. They are known only as Big P, Princess R and Babe E. It’s rare that I show full face photos of them though I do share more of Babe E because she is still young & her face will change.
It’s a conundrum.
I struggle with the idea that my readers – those who take the time to read my posts, engage with me via social media & emails – might be feeling a little less interested because i choose to keep certain things private. Can you really engage & be interested in someone and their life if they cant ‘trust’ you with certain information?
:: How do you decide what is too much to share for your family? How do you decide what is enough to share with your readers? ::
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: jamesandjax
May 10, 2011 at 8:16 am
I have been struggling with this as well, for quite some time now. And my son’s nickname (close to his real name) IS used on my blog–heck, it’s in the title of the thing! I do post pics of him, too. Every once in a while, I’m overcome with guilt and worry about it. I’m not sure what to do to maintain privacy (and safety). However, I do try to keep my future son in mind when I talk about him (for example, I think, “Will this embarrass him in 10 years? 20 years?”).
So, I have no answers. I just wanted to chime in that this is often on my mind, too. I’ll check back for comments–maybe someone will offer some really great advice? Here’s hoping!
Twitter: notmommyofyear
May 10, 2011 at 9:07 am
I think we are all sort of figuring this out as we go. Couple of thoughts that keep playing in my mind as I think it over:
1. Right now, my kids are so young that their stories are typical of all kids their age, as they get older and they trade bumps and bruises for broken hearts, it’s going to be harder to write about that.
2. I started out not using Chessa’s name, but then we had Cole and using “C” would have gotten confusing, plus I figured if anyone really wanted to know their names they could find it. The internet can be anonymous, but not really.
3. We really don’t know how they might be affected by it because our kids are the first “generation” of kids being written about in blogs, on Twitter, on Facebook. In 15 years we may hear that it’s the worst thing we could have done, or it might be no big deal. There’s no one to look at for answers.
4. For what it’s worth, I don’t feel like people connected to me any more once they knew my children’s names. So, if you’re not comfortable with it, don’t use them. You’re not alienating anyone.
Twitter: HomeontheCroft
May 10, 2011 at 9:19 am
It’s difficult…. I too try and work through this dilemma often, but the more I think about it, the fewer answers I seem to have!
I tell ‘funny’ stories, but nothing – I hope – that would *really* embarrass them when they’re older. I don’t tell about things that are troubling them, spiritual thoughts they may have etc, because (the older 3) are teens and issues they have just now will move on… in a few years, they’ll hardly remember some of the issues they had. I wouldn’t want to tell ‘the world’ these kind of things.
When I blog, I talk to ‘my friends’…. specifically those who follow me, or, in particular, those who comment often. However, I am aware that in reality I am speaking to *anyone* in the world who wants to read what I write.
So, it’s intimate in the sense that I feel like I’m speaking to friends, but always with the awareness that anything I write could be pulled up in 20 years’ time – to the disgrace of me or my children!
Looking forward to anwers from others on this one… x
Twitter: jessesco
May 10, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Great post. This is something that I deal with a lot. I started my blog as a place to share about my daughter. But as it’s evolved and become more open to “strangers” I worry. What am I putting out there? Who could be doing what with my words? I never use our last name, and I don’t think husband’s name is out there but hers is. And so is baby #2′s name. But I’m very protective on what I post about her and I really don’t post much anymore. Right or wrong, I choose to hold it close to me.
Jess@Straight Talk recently posted..Happy Me
Jp and I have talked at great length about this, especially when I wanted to go all covert and disable right clock, watermark everything and basically lock down my blog BUT it’s the Internet.
Anything that is on the Internet is public, regardless of all the safe guards you put up. If someone wants to find you they will, regardless of anonymity.
Basically anything can be found and searched so even if everything on the blog is on “lockdown” personal info can still be found, so why not share within your comfort level?
Sure kids may not want their names attached to a story about potty training or failing a test or having a meltdown, but that’s life we’ve all been there. If your not causing any defamation to your family I see no harm in getting friendly and personal with readers. I think that can be done
To some extent without ambiguous nicknames.
So I think some personal stuff is fine and not hurting anyone. Having a blog locked down like Alcatraz is impersonal and cold.
LCW recently posted..An Ode to Love Bugs
And posting from my phone clearly was a bad idea with all the errors I couldn’t get back to check. Please excuse, I did pass 4th grade English.
LCW recently posted..An Ode to Love Bugs
Twitter: acctodenise
May 10, 2011 at 6:57 pm
When I started my blog, I used all our names but then my husband asked that I try to be a bit more anonymous. So I switched to letters for everyone but me, him and the dogs (and gave him a dumb nickname
. I feel silly not using our names because as someone else mentioned, if someone wants to find out your details, they will. I imagine that eventually I will not bother so much. And as for the stories I tell, I think that there are so many similar ones out there that if my kids ever felt embarassed, I could google and find someone else’s kid’s story that they could relate too.
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Twitter: muminsearch
May 10, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Would it be fair to say that most of your readers have blogs? Then they will understand if you don’t post your kids names or photos.
I’ve never used my kids names and I was very careful with photos that didn’t show their face in the beginning. Eventually I relaxed about the photos, until recently I had one of my photos taken without my permission and posted on a site in a foreign language that I coudn’t understand. That really freaked me out. I emailed the editor of the site, it ended up being a quite harmless craft community and the editor happily agreed to remove my son’s photo, but it may not always be this straightforward. So I’ve been posting very few photos of my kids since then and watermarking the ones where they are recognisable and I definitely don’t want those photos stolen.
I am not as concerned about my kids being embarrassed about what I’ve written later on, not yet anyway. They are only little and haven’t had the chance to do anything that embarrassing just yet.
Twitter: crunchymamato2
May 11, 2011 at 10:53 pm
I struggle with this as well. I don’t use my kid’s names and I rarely post pictures. I’m sure I lose some readers who are looking for lots of pictures and personal stories, but I really feel like you have to do what’s best for your family and your children. I knew of someone who had their pregnancy belly pics snagged and put on a fetish site and my friend had some weird comments about her young daughter. I guess I feel like you have to be careful, especially with pictures. I don’t think using a pseudonym or cute nickname for your kids will turn anyone off.
As for stories that may be embarrassing later, I try to limit too many stories. Mostly I blog about *my* stuff anyway which obviously involves the kids. My almost four-year old is going through some things that I keep going back and forth about blogging about. I feel like maybe I could get some good advice/feedback but, at the same time, I want to protect her.
Kristen @ Adventures in Mommyhood recently posted..Sticks And Stones And Words
Personally, I think if people are real and true readers of yours or anyone, they will stick around and respect your decision to keep your kids privacy safe regardless. It’s your decision and it’s your blog. You have to do what YOU think is right for you and your family, and whoever can’t respect that isn’t a reader you need!
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Twitter: JnJGoGreen
May 27, 2011 at 8:10 pm
I don’t use B’s name on my blog and I don’t post pictures of him. It is just something Joe and I decided that would be best. Perhaps that will change in the future….I don’t know.
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