I have been very fortunate to have a wide range of people who I chat with, who read Accustomed Chaos or who stumble across my writing. People who are vastly different from me in nearly every way and others who could probably be my sibling from another mingling (I just made that up, heh). Since I don’t really have one focused niche here I get a mix of people who are gluten free, looking for recipes that real families can make and some who, like me, are parents and just trying to find someone who understands the wonderfully chaotic world of parenting.
One thing that is totally apparent in the world of parenting is everyone has their own way of doing something. Everyone does what they believe is the best for their family, their situation and do the best they can with what they know at the time. Every parent will make a handful or more mistakes as we learn our way and everyone has an opinion.
& that includes me, which is where my conundrum comes in. My worry and fears that I will hurt feelings or alienate, yet wondering if those fears are holding me back from being truly authentic.
I have always been a people pleaser or a peace keeper I don’t like to disappoint people and am never out to hurt feelings. When you write about parenting topics, styles and personal choices — all that seems inevitable no matter how non-attacking you try to be. I am very passionate about parenting and feel strongly about some aspects. I have never really made those passions a secret, but for some reason I am hesitant to write about them further.
I used to, when I didn’t have as many eyes on this site. I am thankful to have so many eyes here because it’s helped me grow as a mom, feel less alone and has been a pathway to a career for me. I don’t want to make it sound like I wish less people read. That’s far from the case. I just have so much more I would like to write about, but I fear that I will alienate.
Is it possible to talk about parenting without making the ‘other side’ automatically feel like shit? I don’t know - I hope there is. I am going to give it a try I mean, this space is mine, right? And those that matter – like all of you — should be able to see that I am not out to be harmful or hurtful on purpose. I don’t know why I am so afraid. If I had to guess it’s because I have been writing for a much larger space and have received more than my fair share of hateful words and people who don’t understand where I am coming from. This space is sort of my safe haven — my fabulous friends who know me — there is something safe in that.
I am going to push past it and try to re-focus my safe writing zone — not think about what could go wrong and bring this space back to more me.
Share This Post: Tweet
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I feel like I hold a LOT back when I write. For one thing, my entire family (no exaggeration) is conservative Republican, and I am a liberal Democrat. The bulk of them are also Christian, and I have become agnostic, ebbing on the edge of atheism. There are certain topics I just. don’t. talk. about. It only starts a flame war, and feelings get hurt, and relationships are in jeopardy. I’d love to put my opinion out there and have some discussion, but I save that for more “safe” places. As for parenting topics specifically, I feel the same way. I have my feelings, and I made certain decisions for my family, but I often don’t write about them because I don’t want it to seem like I’m judging people who made other decisions. It’s impossible to get feelings about certain hot button issues out there without pissing someone off. And I loathe making people angry or hurting people’s feelings, I avoid controversy at all costs. I feel like I’m “genuine” in what I do choose to say, but maybe it’s not healthy for me to tiptoe around certain things.
Very Bloggy Beth recently posted..Let There Be Carbs
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 13, 2012 at 11:22 am
I think you’re right Beth — it is impossible to talk about certain topics without making someone angry. I think I just have to be less afraid of that, yet still be careful of how I come across. Thanks Beth!
Honestly, no matter what you write about and how non-threatening you try to be, there will always be THOSE people that take offense and cause drama because that’s just who they are. There’s really no changing that and if you try to avoid writing, saying, or doing things that could potentially offend others, you’re robbing yourself of your chance for self expression.
I’m one of those people that can’t stand when I offend a person or upset someone, but at the same time, you can’t change who you are or your ideas and outlooks just to people please. You lose yourself that way.
Like the Dr. Suess saying goes, “Those who matter won’t mind and those who mind won’t matter! ”
Kayla @ TheEclecticElement recently posted..Jake² Thursday(7/12)
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 13, 2012 at 11:23 am
Thanks Kayla — I think you’re right, there are people who will just read it wrong or take offence no matter how hard I try. I love that Dr Suess saying!
Twitter: mytimeasmom
July 13, 2012 at 5:31 pm
I’m sure you see both sides a lot over at Babble with people who agree and disagree with whatever your post is about. I believe we all have our own way of parenting and that just because they are different doesn’t make one of us wrong and the other right.
Jessica recently posted..Essence Of Now {A New Meme}
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 14, 2012 at 9:27 am
I do see a lot of it on Babble & the wider audience feels much more impersonal though than those who comment here.
Be true to yourself. I understand your position I feel the same way, but it’s your blog. We are all unique for a reason, without it the world would be boring. Be bold. Be you. Share your ideas it just may change someone’s life. ‘To the world you are just one person, but to one person you might be the world’~author unknown
Kate recently posted..Sticks & Stones…