November 9, 2010 – Today is a tough day for me babe. A date that for others really has no meaning, but for me it is a pain spot and will be for who knows how long – maybe forever. Two years ago today was your due date. If you were still with me today we would be celebrating your 2nd birthday, Triton. Party hats and cake instead of a lonely day to myself.
I wish I could see what you look like. I imagine you look like a mixture of your brother P and your youngest sister E — beautiful blonde hair and big brown eyes. I wonder if you have the imagination of your sister R or if you would be into cars or art or music. Answers that will never be answered for me – just played out in my imagination and if I am lucky, you will visit me again in a dream.
I miss you. Some don’t understand that – I hope they don’t ever have to. Such confusing emotions. A grief people don’t understand unless they have been there. unspoken. misunderstood. None of that matters to me though – as i write to you – i know you matter. you matter to me.
I wish others could have met you.
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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
I too write to my baby. I wish you peace today as you remember your sweet Triton. I'm thrilled to hear that you dream of Triton…I wish I'd have that kind of dream. Thank you for sharing this lovely letter – just know that there are those of us who understand completely what you are going through…and we're thinking of you today.
Praying for you and your family! xo
Sending prayers for you on this tough day.
Sending you lots of hugs and strength.
Lots of hugs being sent to you right NOW. and all day long.
Thinking of you today and sending lots of hugs.
I'm thinking of you today…
Sending you prayers and hugs, mama.
There are no words for the pain you must be feeling. I am wishing you peace and comfort today.
Sending tons of love your way!
I'm sorry you have to experience this type of loss.
Hugs
Lots of love!
I'm sorry for your loss- and the tough reminder in this day (hugs)
Warm and loving thoughts to you on this important day.
Thinking about you Devan, with lots of love and prayers. I know how much sweet Triton means to you, and you are a wonderful Mommy to him.
Somebody once told me that once you know you have conceived, you are that little baby's Mom right away. It is so true. Sending you hugs.
Ny heart goes out to you.
It's been ten years for me and I still wonder. One of my friends told me that maybe miscarried babies are too good for this Earth, that maybe just by conceiving them we've given them a soul and they shoot straight to Heaven. Not sure if that helps, but it brought comfort to me at that difficult time. *HUGS*
Twitter: Naynadub
July 23, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Such a beautiful post and truly something that most don’t understand unless they’ve experienced it. I’ve read on your blog about your miscarriage but I never knew the connection we really have – my baby would’ve been 2 on July 18th. I was just thinking all the same thoughts last week. Hugs to you!
Twitter: AccustomedChaos
July 24, 2011 at 1:32 am
Thank you so much Elena. Hugs to you as well for the loss of your babe.